Monday, May 12, 2014

Nicknames…

So, the whole *Cutesy Nickname debate came to a head in my house this past weekend when I decided to sit down with my big kids and ask them what they thought. Cuz' you know... at 16, 14 and 13… they are allowed and encouraged to have their own say and express their own thoughts.

Most everyone, including the almost 10 year old, were totally fine with their nicknames and even liked them. When offered the option to use their real name or a fake name that sounds like a real name or even their confirmation name, they all declined. Anyone who knows my oldest son, knows that "The Professor" really is who he is. It's far from "cutesy"… it's reality. The boy studies weather maps, has his own weather radio, reads Latin for fun, has a map of Middle Earth on his bedroom wall and has read every book in our house at least twice, I'm sure.

My youngest son stated that he was quite proud to be called Bigboy since he sincerely hopes to someday be taller than his 5'11" older brother. He thinks being the biggest baby I birthed (weighing in at 8lbs. 9oz.) is proof of that inevitability. I think he's well on his way. Sunshine's life, like any teenage girl, is not always "sunshine and roses" but she tries to have a sunny disposition and can usually be placated with chocolate and yarn when the hormones get tough. See?---------->

Shortcake is the only one who said that she feels like maybe she's outgrown that name. (Truth be told, she was the one I struggled with the most when first coming up with nicknames.) She still likes it because of the spunky quality she thinks it imbues, but she'd like to change her name to something that suits her personality a little more now and one that compliments "Sunshine" too. Those two are as close as twins, I tell you (even though they can be as different as night and day)!

So from here on, "Shortcake" will be called "Rain". Personally, I love it! Sunshine and Rain. If you know my two girls at all, you know that Sunshine really is a beam of sunshine and light. And Rain, well, she likes things a little mysterious and broody… just like a cold rainy day.

So, to anyone who feels insulted or unwelcome here because I haven't shared their real names with you personally, please feel free to email me and I will let you know their real names. I don't have a problem with them being known. I just have a problem with them being always and forever tied to this blog. 

To those of you who are "change resistant" and think that it's just gonna be too hard to make the switch, I'm sorry, but this is one of those times when I have to go with my child's wishes.

To the people who are still uber-concerned about safety and privacy... I get it. Those of us who can't help but be plagued by all the "what ifs" regarding our children's safety and security would love to be able to just let that go, but it's so ingrained; it's part of who we are. It's kind of the way God made us. (I'm betting most of you are oldest children too, am I right?) And if you aren't that kind of person, but you are doing it because of your spouse's wishes, then God bless you! What a wonderful sign of respect.

To the people who said that using real names meant they were more careful about the things that they shared about their children, good for you! I see nothing wrong with anyone using their child's real name. It's simply a matter of preference. Even though I use nicknames, I always ask my children if it's OK to post what I post. I'm very considerate of their wishes. My older three regularly read my blog and have even started commenting sometimes so I really have to give them fair consideration. We all have our reasons for doing what we do.

To the people who just can't bring themselves to type these "cutesy names" in a comment box, feel free to refer to my children by their ages. Or "your daughter" or "your son". I'm smart enough to figure out who you are talking about. ;)

*If you are using cutesy in your head and it sounds more like an insult than just an adjective, you might want to reevaluate that. What you consider "cutesy" might be something she's conceded to out of love for someone else and that should be commended. It also tends to build a box around someone and label them. I hate to be put in a box. Cutesy is in the eye of the beholder and what you might consider gooey or saccharine sweet might be something your fellow blogging Catholic mama loves. It's all good, right?

Comments (14)

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Yes, it's all good! I think "Rain" is great!
1 reply · active 568 weeks ago
Thanks! She appreciates that. She was a little hesitant.
Oh my goodness.... Thank you so much for these posts! I've really been wrestling with the whole blog nickname thing and you put into words what I couldn't. I feel much better!
1 reply · active 568 weeks ago
Good. I'm glad I can help. Do what you feel comfortable doing and pray that people will understand. You can't please everyone all the time, but life isn't about pleasing everyone anyone.
Ooh, I like the nick name Rain.
I love your nicknames!
Honestly, I'm kind of sad at times that I missed the blog nicknames boat. i love your kids' nicknames and Melissa Wiley's kids' and others. But it would feel false and forced for me to backtrack and start with them. I love that you pegged them all so well, a wise mama knows her children. And Rain is a sweet name. The kind of name I'd have loved at her age.
4 replies · active 567 weeks ago
Melanie, what an interesting perspective. It never occurred to me that some bloggers might wish they could go back and choose nicknames.
When I started blogging I was still single, not even engaged yet, and I never expected an audience. And Dom was already a big name Catholic blogger and blogging under his own name so a pseudonym never occurred to me. And when I started writing about the kids, it was you know about the cute things my baby was doing. And then she was a toddler. And then there were two and three and four and five. And it was all way before people were really putting a lot of pictures on their blogs. At first it was all just text except for a few wedding photos, which were actually on Dom's blog, I just linked to them. If I were jumping into it now, I might very well do it all differently.
Melanie, I hear you about the pictures! Sometimes I pine for the good old text-heavy days of Early Blogging (2005, when I started). I do post pics of my younger kids but not the older ones, much.

My kids are all happy with their blog aliases, though only Jane actually *chose* hers—she was 10 or 11 when I started and Jane of Lantern Hill was her then-favorite book. But I do wish, from time to time, that I'd gone with an actual name rather than nickname for Wonderboy. He was a baby then, and the name has all sorts of significances for us, but he has perhaps outgrown it a bit. I've toyed with changing it, but to what? And it's confusing enough for people who know their real names, as it is. My friend Edith made me give her an annotated photo. ;)

It's my OWN name that gives me the most fits on the internet. :) My blog grew out of my author website and of course it made sense to use my pen name. And I do like the layer of privacy it builds in for my kids. But even after all these years, I can't get used to being called "Melissa" by friends—and so many of my blog-friends have become real friends over the years. (Like hello Melanie and Charlotte and Karen.) My homeschooling peeps like you guys mostly do call me Lissa, except on FB where you can't tag with nicknames, but nearly all my publishing-world friends use my full name, Melissa, which until these past ten years, no one ever called me except my mom when I was in trouble. ;) Of course my Georgia cousins call me Missy. And Scott calls me L. So I guess I'm just fated to have seventeen iterations of name. LOL.

But back to kids' blog aliases--I admit one reason I love them is it gives me a chance to use names I adore but didn't use in real life for whatever reason!

Charlotte--your new layout is lovely!
Yes! That's part of my blog name envy. I love the literariness of yours and Karen's too. Which characters would I pick for my kids if I were to follow suit? Or which characters would they pick if I asked them? Would Bella be Elizabeth Ann or Laura Ingalls or Lucy Pevensie or someone else entirely? What character could Sophie possibly pick. Oooh, together they might be a good Bink and Gollie! I think Ben might have to be Matthew Cuthbert. He's so solemn and quiet and old-mannish when he's not being a four year old boy. And Anthony could possibly fit the bill as Tom Sawyer, always into mischief.

I hear you about your own name confusion! Sometimes I feel almost pretentious or over-familiar when I refer to you as Lissa on my blog. And though I think I use Melissa Wiley when I refer to you with Dom,. in my mind you've long since slipped over from "Melissa Wiley" to just plain "Lissa." Probably about the time of the great sewing bee. (Sorry did I really just mention that?)
Rain is lovely.
And I especially appreciate your footnote -- it can be far too easy to be judgey and snarky on the internet....
Mamabearjd(Michelle)'s avatar

Mamabearjd(Michelle) · 567 weeks ago

My family was attacked, through no fault of our own, by a man so unstable that he was later shot by the SWAT team in an unrelated incident. I didn't want to post because I was afraid of virtual eye-rolling. Statistically that may exempt us forever, but I have a theory that goodness draws out evil. And we have a duty not to make the bad guy's job easier.
I can't even say how strongly I dislike the overall snark I see permeating the Catholic mom corner of the internet.
1 reply · active 567 weeks ago
Mamabearjd's avatar

Mamabearjd · 567 weeks ago

That was meant to be supportive, I have to apologize for baby brain!

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