I'm tapped.

I got nothin'!

That's how I feel sometimes.

Nothing interesting to say. Nothing profound to expound on. No crafts to share. No projects of interest. Not sure why anyone is reading this blog. Can't figure out what it's all about anyway. Sounds like a pity party, right? Pathetic, party of one, please.

These are truly the thoughts that go through my head sometime and I am pretty sure I'm not alone. (chirp, chirp, chirp)

I don't have any expertise to offer. I don't consider myself knowledgeable enough on anything. I know many other people here would say "Well, I am no expert either, BUT...." I think it's the BUT that I lack.

Sometimes, I don't see how my life, thoughts, opinions, daily doings could be of interest to anyone else because I just see a lot of "ordinary". Which is silly, I know, because most of the blogs I read are about other people's ordinary lives, thoughts, opinions, etc...

I think it has to do with a lack of self confidence and an ever-questioning nature. (Husband says he hears the words "But how do you know?" an awful lot around here. Yeah...that'd be me!) Some people are naturally confident in their thoughts, decisions and opinions. They can expound on subjects with a tone so assertive it makes you believe that they have it all figured out. I know that in reality, their life might be just as crazy as mine with good days and bad days, days of practicing what they preach and days of chasing that wagon they just fell off. The things we read out here in the blog world are simply snippets of another person's life. Snippets that have been spell checked and grammar checked, edited and revised. I always find the truly honest posts to be the most engaging. (Which is the only reason I am actually posting this instead of hitting the delete button like I reeeeaaaally want to!)

I also don't think I have anything to offer because I have no delusions of having anything figured out (not even my grocery list). It surprises me (and terrifies me) when someone looks to me and says "You're an experienced homeschooler! How do you do it?" Who me???

Maybe the people who speak with authority really do believe they know better . Maybe they actually do. Maybe they are just faking it because the thought of admitting to anything else would be considered weakness.

I know my weaknesses (all too well!) and have never really had much trouble admitting to them. I think it is the only way you can learn. The only hope you have of changing those weaknesses is by challenging them rather than making excuses for them.

Perhaps I see my life as ordinary because it is MY life. Other people's struggles are interesting simply because they haven't been a part of my life experience. Being a child of divorce is an "ordinary" thing to me, but it might be an interesting story to someone else whereas another person's adoption chronicles are fascinating to me since I have only biological children.

I told myself from the beginning that this blog was my digital scrapbook. A place for me to record the things we encounter and experience. I guess the problem now is that I am struggling with the voice in my head saying, "If that is true, then why not just keep it private?"

Because, I love the community of moms that I have found. Moms like me! Real people with thoughts and opinions and kids to raise and laundry to fold...

"But you can still be a part of their world. What makes you think they want to be a part of yours? What do you have to offer?"

Support. Friendship. Joy.

"Again...you can do that without a blog. What is your purpose? Have you ever offered instruction or tutorials?"

No.

"Do you have any expertise in any given field?"

No.

"Any real proof that you have discovered how to build a better mouse trap?"

No.

"Life experiences?"

A few.

"Really...."

Ummmmmm... well... (chirp, chirp, chirp)

Maybe I should offer glimpses of my ordinary life simply to repay all of those peeks into other's ordinary lives that made me feel "normal" instead of scared I had totally messed up my family. Maybe I should read more about St. Therese and her extra-ordinary littleness.

Maybe blogging and PMS are not compatible.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

This is not a "Dear John" letter, just some honest struggles that I wanted to get off my chest. Please don't think I am fishing for compliments. Just trying to be honest! Hitting "publish" now and running before I change my mind.